I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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