No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
