you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
