No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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