so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
