so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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