sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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