she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
