Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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