ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize