Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
