I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
