I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
