go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
