Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
