Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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