im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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