never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
