I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
