Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
