dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
