I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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