I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
