oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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