Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize