I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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