she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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