At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize