The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
