funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
