i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
