i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
