and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
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