i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
