so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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