Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
