no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
