i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
