I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
