Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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