After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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