Taylor Swift is so right about you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
