I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
