its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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