I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
