apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
