I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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