I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i wish my penis had a tongue
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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