The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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