I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
