i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
