you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
