quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize