I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize