Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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