A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
