Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
