I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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