Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just high enough for therapy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize