Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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