Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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