I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I need water and some morals
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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