i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He has the fingertips of a God
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
