she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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