It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
