Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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