Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
