my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
