my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
