You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize