No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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