we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
