he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
