Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
