U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
