i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wanna passion pit in your ass
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
