Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
