That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
