xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Mom said you looked used
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
