So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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