Porn is love you can see.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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