I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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