It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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