My balls are so social today.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
