I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My bed smells like the plague
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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