anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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